Reflection

A lot can change over a weekend. This weekend, I decided that I would not write a thesis to complete my M.A. program. I’ll be revising a couple smaller papers written in other classes, and submitting those, instead. But more importantly than that, I have decided not to actively pursue a Ph.D. program after I graduate with my M.A.

I have actually been thinking about this for the last month. On Friday, though, I came to a decision. I was working on a research paper for one of my classes, and as I sat their making notes and flipping back and forth between pages and from book to book, I realized: I hate this.

Research and study has been a huge part of my life for the past eight years. During the two years that I laid off formal education after graduating with my B.A., I spent a large portion of my time studying. I was usually reading three or four books at a time, and I loved it. It enriched my life, and I think it enriched the lives of people around me. It was of deep worth to me.

Right now, studying is an obligation. I have no desire to pick and read any theological or historical or philosophical books outside of the ones I am reading for class. I hate having to take the research I am doing and analyze and organize it into a fifteen or twenty page argument called a research paper.  And I have been dreading the 100 page behemoth that is a Master-level thesis.

Not only that, but I really took the time to think about what is involved in the career of a full-time professor. I love deep discussion, and I like to teach, but I hate the idea of all of the administrative duties that come with the package. I would hate having 30+ research papers to grade each semester. I would hate the obligation to do personal research of my own. And, I would hate the constant academic atmosphere of scholarly conferences and organizations. And what I hate most is that I feel like study has lost that deep worth that it had for me before.

I’m really looking forward to the day that I can pick up a scholarly book in my spare time and really enjoy it again.

Education

I think I am finally having a misunderstanding fixed about what "education" is, and what it is to be educated. I had the impression when I went off to Central Bible College that knowledge was an object "out there" just waiting passively to be grasped by mankind. "Knowledge" and "answers" were an objective reality from which mankind, with the proper effort and method, could draw from. I had many questions when I went to CBC. I expected to come away from CBC with "answers". This is not the case, however. Having committed six years to higher education, I have found that education, at least in my field--religious studies--is not the attainment of answers, but developing the ability to ask questions and learning how to make what is learned applicable to life. Being educated is being able to ask questions, to be patient and humble both with yourself and with others when answers are not forthcoming, not available, or not clear, and to utilize the "answers" (which often times are actually arguments) we have as we interact with others. Sometimes this interaction is to affect change. Other times it is to accept differences. It is always to be done with compassion and humility.

"Absolute Truth" has been a hot topic in some churches in America over the past decade. Many don't realize, however, that Truth is a person, and a way of life.

I've just been reading an excerpt from the Works of Lucian, an ancient bit of writing describing the sayings of the philosopher Demonax...thoughts some of these were really great. :)

"When another person kept himself shut up in the dark, mourning his son, Demonax represented himself to him as a magician: he would call up the son's ghost, the only condition being that he should be given the names of three people who had never had to mourn. The father hum’d and ha’d, unable, doubtless, to produce any such person, till Demonax broke in: 'And have you, then, a monopoly of the unendurable, when you cannot name a man who has not some grief to endure?'"

"Observing a soothsayer one day officiating for pay, he said:37 'I cannot see how you can ask pay. If it is because you can change the course of Fate, you cannot possibly put the figure high enough: if everything is settled by Heaven, and not by you, what is the good of your soothsaying?'"

I can't see behind closed doors, even less into the thoughts and motives of others...